6th spring. It has become time to clean the blood for the sake of not losing another year. With a pocket full of false starts and mind full half hearted hope, I embrace the fact Im down on my fucking knees. I am tired, I am tired of loving the losing the battle that will eventually take my life. The person I was is only the person I pretend to be, and the person I pretend to be is changing as I forget who I was. Misery is my sanctuary, it's lemonade on a summer day, and as fucked up as it is, I find it easy to justify as any expectation that falls short of anything close to creating a happy moment in my life is no longer disappointing, its only what is expected. I am ruining myself and the sick part is that I understand it. The things I want to do, I dont do at all. Lies replace the truth and the actions I want to take to better myself and rebuild the bridges i have burned are only replaced by bullshit apologizes to myself and the ones I love because Its easier to be a fuck up and be expected to fuck up than to be a man of character and take responsibility for your actions. I have destroyed the relationship with the love of my life as it is tough to love someone else when you are incapable of loving yourself and loving me through her is no longer working. Spring is near. For me, for her, for us, for you, clean the blood, clean the soul. 6th spring.
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